Fall to pieces
by FuckMePumps
Summary: What had happened years ago has taken its toll on Raven, and is left a broken shell... until someone from her tragic past returns, in a way you wouldn't expect. Involves lost love. RobRae One-shot


**Author's Note:** **I'm just reposting this… hope you like it. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans… yet. I also do not own "Fall to Pieces" by Avril Lavigne. **

**In the flashback, the ages are: Beastboy-16, Starfire-17, Robin and Raven-18, Cyborg-19. In the for the present age, just add 5 years.**

Not a day passed by that I don't think about him.

No hour was spent without remembering every word that had been passed between us.

No minute came devoid of thoughts of what could have been.

Not a second lacking of his face forever haunting me.

No moment went by without my mind being filled with regret.

_FLASHBACK_

_As soon as Beast boy was done with his stupid weekly movie, he and Cyborg engaged in a video game battle that would last all night, no doubt. Seriously, those two need to grow up and get a life._

_There was no way I would waste the whole evening watching battleships collide with each other, like Starfire was doing, her eyes glued to the screen._

_Time to meditate, I said to myself, heading for my room._

_No sooner had I entered my peaceful realm did I hear a quiet knock. I impatiently rose from my position to take a peek to whoever was at my door, eager to go back to my meditation._

"_What?" I asked testily to the person as I half-opened the door._

_However, as I saw who it was, my eyes softened. It was him._

"_Uh…" He faltered, utterly surprised by where my sudden coldness was coming from._

_I gave him a small reassuring smile. "No, I'm sorry. What do you want?" I said, as soft as I could._

"_Um… I was wondering if we can talk for a while?"_

"_Sure. Come in."_

_I led him inside my dim-lighted room, offering him a seat on my bed. He said he preferred to stand up. _

"_O-kay. Now what?" I heard myself say._

"_Raven, I have to tell you something really important."_

_I froze. This was it. Somehow, I had been warned. He can't be doing this._

"_Yes?" I said slowly._

"_For the past few months… I…" His masked eyes narrowed with annoyance at himself. "God, this is so hard to explain."_

_Then he turned his gaze at me directly. _

_**I looked away  
Then I looked back at you**_

"_Raven, you've been on my mind a lot for the past months. I can't seem to stop thinking of you. I can't even keep my eyes off you."_

_I knew. I felt his stares burrow into me. I always did. _

"_You've helped me out when I needed it. You've always been there for me. We have so much in common, and I just feel so comfortable around you."_

"_Raven," With this he cupped my chin in his hand. "This might sound crazy but…"_

_Oh no. Here it comes. I can't let him say it. I have to stop him from letting those words come from his mouth._

_**You tried to say  
Things that you can't undo**_

"_Raven, I lo—"_

_I covered his mouth with my hand._

"_No, Robin! Don't say that! You can't!"_

"_Raven, please…"_

"_No!" I turned away, angry tears streaming out of my eyes. "You can't. Robin, you can't love me. You shouldn't!"_

_He reached out for me. "Rae…"_

_I shrugged his arm off me. "Robin. You can't do this to me. You can't do it to yourself. Don't love me, it's not right. Please, Robin, I beg you. Don't love me."_

_Frustration became apparent in his voice. "Raven! I want to love you! You're the one I've always wanted!"_

_He fell to his knees beside me. _

"_I'll do anything! Raven, let me love you. And… and I'll do anything to make you love me!"_

_A tear fell from my eye and to my carpeted floor. I then faced him._

_**If I had my way  
I'd never get over you**_

"_Robin," I whispered, sobs rising in my throat.. "You can't do this. Don't allow yourself to love me. I would do anything to keep you from loving me._

"_Robin, please don't do this to yourself." I continued gently._

"_I would do anything for you… I would change myself just to make you love me too…"_

_I traced the side of his face with my fingers. "Robin, understand. It's not you… it's… me."_

"_I said I'd do anything, Raven… I will."_

_Suddenly he took off his mask, revealing beautiful blue eyes. His eyes pleaded with me, and at the same time saw right through me._

_**Today's the day  
I pray that we'd make it through**_

_He knew. But I knew I couldn't let it happen._

"_Robin, please don't make me…"_

_Mixed emotions surged inside me. Anger, disappointment, betrayal, sadness… Love._

"_Raven, please tell me." He grabbed my shoulders and again, we were on the same level. _

_I looked away from those eyes._

"_You're my everything."_

_I could have shaken out of his grasp. I should have. But something kept me there._

"_Robin," I tried to look away from those sparkling denim eyes. "I don't want to be your everything."_

_**Make it through the fall**_

_He leaned in until his lips met mine. I was surprised, but I still kissed him back. My tears fell on his face and I felt his breath on mine. We could have stayed that way forever until…_

"_Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!" He suddenly jerked his body from me, stumbling backwards. I saw something red flowing out of his shoulder… blood! I suddenly realized what had happened. My released emotions caused everything in the room violently swirling around. I went behind him and saw one of my ancient daggers, which had been a wall ornament, sticking up from the top left corner of his back._

_Summoning all the powers I had control over at that time, I smoothly took the knife out._

_I gasped at what I saw. The sharp blade had made a very deep wound in his shoulder. And somehow, I couldn't stop the bleeding._

"_Raven…" He rasped hoarsely. "It… hurts."_

_**Make it through it all**_

_I threw my arms around him, staining my clothes with his blood. I pressed a button on my communicator. Any second now…_

"_Raven! You rang?" Beast boy's happy tone beamed. I saw him look around in horror, from the blood stained floor to me holding a bleeding Robin._

"_Holy crap!"_

_Cyborg and Starfire followed._

"_Rae! What happened?" Cyborg questioned. Starfire appeared to be speechless._

"_Never mind that! Call an ambulance!" I screamed, feeing more blood seep through my leotard._

"_No time." Cyborg took Robin out of my arms. "BB, get the T-car ready. Star, alert the hospital and tell them to prepare an emergency room pronto!"_

_A second later they were gone, and I was left with my rumpled bed and bloody carpet. No sooner had the thought crossed my mind did I begin to cry. I didn't repel my emotions anymore; it was too late. The damage had already been done. I rode on every feeling that took over me, trying to figure out what to do next._

_000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000_

_I arrived at the hospital in no time. I was about to ask the accountant about Robin when I saw Beast Boy and Starfire sitting in the waiting lounge, blank expressions on their faces. They couldn't believe this was actually happening. I couldn't blame them; all of us had been injured before one way or another, but none as bad as this._

"_Starfire! Beast boy! Where's Robin?" I asked frantically._

_BB snapped out of the trance first. He blinked slowly, and I saw two tears running down each side of his face._

"_Raven. He's hurt. He's hurt real bad."_

_I suddenly couldn't control myself and soon I was shaking him by the shoulders._

_**And I don't wanna fall to pieces**_

"_Where is he?"_

_He pointed to an elevator. "They're operating on him. Go find Cy. Oh Rae! There's so much blood…."_

_I did find the metal man. I saw him watching what was happening inside one room. I landed beside him, and he seemed to acknowledge my presence._

"_It's critical, they said. The knife didn't pierce through any vital organ, but it's still very serious as it came within 1 inch from the heart. And he lost a huge amount of blood." He sighed wearily. "Rae, what happened?"_

_I didn't answer. All I found myself doing was staring at the scenario inside the operating room. I closed my eyes and soon I found myself standing next to the bed. I saw his pale face and the tube going down his throat. I saw the desperate look in the doctor's eyes. I squeezed the pale, cold hand that hung limply over the edge of the bed._

_**I just want to sit and stare at you  
I don't want to talk about it**_

"_I'm sorry, Robin." I told him telepathically. And just like that, I was back outside._

"_This is my entire fault," I whispered to myself, a hand flying to my face. _

"_Rae…" Cyborg began, putting a metal arm across my shoulder. "It's alright…"_

_**And I don't want a conversation**_

_I broke away from him. "No, it's not! It's my fault he's in there! My entire fault! I didn't control them! I knew something will go wrong! I knew it! I should have stopped!" I looked at him with reddened eyes. "Don't you get it? It's my entire fault!"_

_**I just want to cry in front of you**_

_With that, I took a final glimpse at the operating room and levitated out the hospital, thinking that they are better off without me._

_END OF FLASHBACK_

They weren't.

They lost almost every battle after that.

I thought that after he recovered, everything would be the same.

I was wrong.

It never was.

I got the call from Cyborg a nearly a year later.

After the operation, when he woke up a couple of days later, Cyborg told me that the first thing he did was look for me.

And I wasn't there for him.

_**I don't want to talk about it**_

When he became well enough to go home, I was told he was never like himself. He was hot-tempered, impatient, and became easily aggravated. The team also wondered where he was from 10 pm at night to 4 am in the morning. He would get home in any condition but sober. They later learned that he went to a pool hall, in his street clothes that he was almost unrecognizable, getting drunk, and got sent home by bartender when he was somber enough.

One night, however, it all went too far.

No one was awake when he reached Titans Tower. He tried to use the stairs to go up, but evidently because of a hallucination, he lost his balance and fell. It was Beast boy who heard the crash. Again, Robin was sent to the hospital and was reported for severe head trauma.

With that, he went into a coma.

He never woke up.

_**'Cause I'm in love with you**_

They saw the security cam video showing how he fell. He was reaching out for something, mumbling words.

"_Please… I'll do anything…"_

Later on, a nurse saw his vitals on the scale. Dead flat. The eerie, continuous beep went on.

They tried to revive him, but they couldn't.

He was gone.

Cyborg asked me if I could come to the funeral, but by that time I wasn't listening. I dropped the communicator and it broke into pieces. Likewise, I felt my heart breaking inside me.

No tears fell.

_**You're the only one  
I'd be with 'til the end**_

All I can do was replay everything in my mind. Over and over, all the memories. I saw his smile, heard his laugh, his reassurance that made everything seem alright. The first memories were happy.

But they changed. Next I saw him running, kicking, punching, yelling. We were in the battlefield. I saw his fury burn in his blows. It was the time we started to lose him.

And then came the most recent ones. The talk in my room. His blood everywhere. I couldn't bear it.

I had dreams… nightmares, about the past and the damage that had been done. These horrifying images filled my mind every night as I tried to get even a wink of undeserved rest. Thoughts were constantly disturbed, tearing down any semblance of sleep as the feelings resurfaced over and over in my subconscious.

Still, no tears fell.

_**When I come undone**_

I had made the mistake once. I promised myself I will never let my unbridled emotions take a life again.

So, here I am now, in a broken down apartment where I tried to battle my worst enemy, my father, Trigon, and won. But even the satisfaction of victory didn't lift my spirit. The last five years, when I could finally feel emotion without endangering others, was the most depressing time of my life.

There was nothing to look forward to, nothing more to live for.

I spent my days behind my door, hiding from the world in my white cloak, out of sadness and shame.

_**You bring me back again**_

I laid my tired head on a pillow, indicating the end of another day.

Not quite.

As soon as I drifted to oblivion, I had a dream. I was in a white room, upon a hospital bed. I saw a man standing in front of me. He looked oddly familiar.

He had long, jet black hair and a face with sharp, dark features. He was wearing a white suit, hiding a muscular body beneath.

What was a strange man like this doing in one of my dreams?

He took a step closer, making me sit up. But as he neared, it became apparent why he looked so familiar.

He had stunning sapphire eyes, with lighter, glimmering shades of blue flecks surrounding the iris.

_**Back under the stars**_

"Robin!" I shrieked, unable to move. It was him. The man he was now, after all these years. Or the man he could have been, if I didn't… oh god, he's _gorgeous._

A small smile crept up to his handsome face. The same smile I had always remembered. The smile I had been so used to seeing. The same smile I had been wishing for all these years.

When I gathered myself, I ran across the room threw my arms around him, sinking into his gentle embrace.

_**Back into your arms**_

"Robin," I sighed as I looked at his face.

He stroked my long lavender hair, looking into my own amethyst eyes.

"Raven," He breathed slowly.

"I… I missed you." I stammered, longing to be in his hug again.

_**And I don't wanna fall to pieces  
I just want to sit and stare at you  
I don't want to talk about it**_

"I missed you too. You wouldn't know how much." He said in the same but deeper voice I had always been longing to hear.

"I think I would." I replied lamely. I didn't really care. All I wanted was him.

_**And I don't want a conversation**_

Then I suddenly remembered the speech I made if ever I met him again.

"Robin, about before, I'm so, so sorry…"

_**I just want to cry in front of you**_

He put a finger to my lips. "It's alright. Raven, it's alright."

_**I don't want to talk about it**_

"No. Robin, I'm sorry. I should have kept my emotions under control. I should have tried harder. If I did, you wouldn't have…" I insisted.

He shook his head. "I have no regrets about whatever happened. I want to thank you."

"For what?"

"For understanding. For holding back. I was the one who made a mistake. I became too impatient.

"And you held my hand. But most of all, Raven…

"Thanks for waiting." He buried his head in my hair.

I hugged him closer. "I would have waited forever."

_**'Cause I'm in love with you**_

He faced me again, looking deeply into my eyes. He tucked a strand of midnight hair behind my ear. Then he put his arms around my waist and huddled me close.

"Raven," He said briefly, our noses brushing, his lips touching mine as he spoke. "I love you."

I took his face in my hands. "I love you too, Robin."

_**Wanna know who you are  
Wanna know where to start  
I wanna know what this means**_

We got closer and kissed. It was a sad, soft kiss. One that had been waiting for so long to be felt. Full of memories and lost love. Of passion and hope. One I had always dreamed of.

We stayed like that I don't know how long, but it had finally ended when he straightened his neck.

"I have to go now."

"Why?" I asked, wishing he wouldn't stop hugging me close.

_**Wanna know how to feel  
Wanna know what is real**_

"I only came to tell you that I loved you and…

"… and for you to continue living your life."

"I can't… not without you."

_**I wanna know everything, everything**_

"Raven. I am not of this world anymore. I can't fix my mistakes, no matter how much I might regret them. But you, you Raven, you're still here. You can still change the course of your destiny. You can still make a difference. You still have your life.

"I'm begging you, do this, if not for yourself, for me. Please don't stop here. Don't waste your life."

_**And I don't wanna fall to pieces  
I just want to sit and stare at you**_

I looked into those striking azure eyes. "I will. But I will be alone." I replied sadly.

_**I don't want to talk about it**_

He whispered in my ear. "Dear Raven, you are never alone. Wherever you are, wherever you may go, and wherever your life may take you, I'll always be here, watching, looking after you."

I nodded. I understood.

_**And I don't want a conversation  
I just want to cry in front of you**_

I clutched his clothes tighter, fearing he might disappear any second and leave me.

He embraced me one last time.

_**I don't want to talk about it**_

"Raven, sweet Raven, bear in mind. Death is not the end of life; it is the beginning of a new existence. We'll see each other again someday.

"I'll always love you, now and forever."

He slowly faded away.

"Now and forever, Robin." I said softly.

_**'Cause I'm in love with you**_

I woke up with tears in my eyes.

_**I'm in love with you**_

I reached for my replacement communicator and pressed the call button, knowing full well my duty, my promise to Robin. It rang briefly.

"Titans Tower. Cyborg speaking. Who is this?"

I smiled faintly. I didn't answer just yet, for I suddenly felt something on my lap.

It was a white rose. I put it near my nose and smelled the sweet fragrance.

_**'Cause I'm in love with you**_

"Now and forever, Robin." I said to thin air, knowing he can hear me. He would always be there, no matter what happened. He came back to rekindle something that had almost been forsaken, he came back to prevent me from wasting my life. I had known to trust him.

_**I'm in love with you**_

Always.

"Hello? Who is this?" Cyborg's older voice snapped abruptly, sounding agitated.

"Cy. It's me. It's an old friend. I'm coming back." I sighed again.

"I'm going home."

I hung up.

With the Book of Azar in one hand and the white rose in the other, I tentatively left the building that had been my house for 5 years.

But now, I was going to the place where I should be.

I belonged to Titans Tower.

With my friends, and with _him._

Because no matter what, I knew that he would always be with me.

He promised that I would never again be alone.

Now, always and forever.

_**I'm in love with you**_

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